Crumbs Chief, It's A Great Mailbox...

Of course, it starts with some Liverpool stuff but it also takes in porn, a new way of swearing, the anatomy of the mailbox, play-offs and some dodgy English...

Last Updated: 07/02/12 at 15:51

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Why It's Time For Kenny To Go

I watched the Liverpool-Spurs game last night and several factors make me think that Kenny's time is up at Anfield.

Liverpool's defence looks very solid. In fact, the partnership of Agger and Skrtyl looks the meanest in the League. I prefer Kelly over Johnson due to his ability to cross, but Johnson put in a very good shift last night from left-back and if you add Enrique in there, the back line isn't looking bad, especially with Reina behind them. However, this is all a moot point as had Bale not inexplicably tried to nutmeg Reina in the dying minutes, Liverpool would have lost.

When playing Carroll, who is showing glimpses of ability, why play a team full of central midfielders? Last night featured Spearing, Adam, Gerrard and Kuyt (who I've always argued is a central striker being shunted out to the right) with Bellamy - not bad, but is hardly Beckham when it comes to crossing. To have such a narrow formation didn't make sense given his choice to play Carroll as the lone striker. I know they were up against two of the best all-round full-backs in the league last night in BAE and Walker, but still, they could have at least tried.

Downing (£19M), Adam (£10M), Henderson (£19M), Suarez (£22M) and Carroll (£35M) and I *think* that's now eight draws at home. It's a well-trodden argument, but one that says pretty strongly that he needs to go.

Most importantly, under his stewardship, Liverpool have seen their reputation and goodwill in football fan circles plummet. His childish spat with Wenger towards the end of last season was unusual as it takes something special to wind up Wenger these days; bemoaning poor decisions against them and refusing to acknowledge when they have had the rub of the green; when they lose, the referee obviously helped; and Suarez. Lots has been said and as a result, I can't stand Liverpool. To come out after the game last night with what he said... Well...For the record, I also think Suarez should have seen red last night too. I can't believe I went mental for the same club on that night in Istanbul. They had likeable players and a likeable manager. For a club with a great record on issues of social justice, it's time for Liverpool fans have to decide between keeping a former playing legend or getting rid of a toxic character (and Suarez as well - that would make two characters) for the benefit of the club as a whole.

Believe me, Liverpool fans, you are not liked out there at the moment and Kenny and Suarez are the only reasons why.
Richard ("once you've got the people calling for what they know in their heart of hearts is wrong, you've got them by the balls"), Cambridge


Roy's Liverpool v Kenny's Liverpool

After 19 league games last season, Roy's Liverpool had lost 8 games.
After 19 league games this season, Kenny's Liverpool had lost 4. (5 losses after 24.)

After 24 league games this season, Kenny's Liverpool is unbeaten at Anfield (plus the Carling and FA Cups.)
After 19 league games last season, Roy's Liverpool had lost twice (Blackpool, Wolves)

Kenny's Liverpool reached the final of the Carling Cup and are favorites to end a six-year tropy drought. Kenny's Liverpool are also in the 5th round of the FA Cup for the first time since winning it in 2006, with Manchesters United and City already eliminated.

Roy's Liverpool were eliminated in their first round of the Carling Cup, vs Northampton Town.

Dropping points is undesirable whether you draw or lose, especially at home. But Liverpool losing eight league matches out of 19 is more than undesirable, its entirely unacceptable. Hence the reason he is now employed by West Bromwich Albion, not by Liverpool FC.
Oliver (Kenny vs Roy comparisons are so 2011) Dziggel, Geneva Switzerland


Some Liverpool-Spurs Conclusions

* Isn't it amazing how much grief Glen Johnson gets for his occasional lapses in defending, compared to how little praise he gets when he is as good as he was last night. Playing on the left-hand side, he was still the best full-back by a mile on show last night.

* Walker looks like a good player, but like Micah Richards about two years ago, he needs to learn that he can't always rely on his pace to make up for positional weakness, especially not when he's up against someone as fast as Bellamy.

* Spot the difference...Adebayor goes over the top of the ball on Bellamy with what looks a clumsy challenge, immediately shows contrition - no comment. Suarez kicks Parker with what looks a clumsy challenge, immediately shows contrition - endless press and pundit comments questioning whether he is the devil incarnate...the witchhunt is getting a bit dull, no?

* For a guy who is such an irritant on the pitch, Bellamy seems to get on amazingly well with a vast number of ex-teammates - Adebayor is the latest player seen laughing and joking with Bellamy this season. Obviously Alan Shearer may disagree, but does that just reinforce the point?

* People might not like what he says, but there is something very funny in how rude Kenny is to interviewers. Personally, I find it refreshing that he makes them work for their money rather than making boring, standard replies to even more boring, standard questions.

* For the love of god, please get those players practising crossing in training...

* And while you're at it, maybe point out that when a goalkick is played up to your big beast of a striker, who is winning everything in the air, it might make sense for someone to run beyond him for the flick-on, rather than stand 10 yards behind him and look surprised when he wins the header.

* How many Scott Parkers were playing last night? For the first 30 minutes he was a walking foul...for the next 60 he was a walking block.

* Dawson...a good player, he might be not quite as good as Terry, but he seems a damn-sight less odious. Come to think of it, if Terry was dropped from England in favour of Dawson, would anyone be bothered?

* Is it just me, or is Ledley King playing a lot more regularly these days? Regularly enough to start in front of Captain Lionheart in the Euros?

* Seriously, F365 doesn't think Bale dived? Seriously? Or another question - if that was a foreign player, say Luis Suarez, would you be trying so hard to justify his hilarious swan dive?

* Assou Ekotto has got some serious hair. I can't work out whether he is any good, but that hair must put the opposition off.

* The definition of a losing battle: Jay Spearing trying to win a header against Emmanuel Adebayor.
Nick Smith


Spurs Are The Story

Don't understand this website. The focus seems to be on Liverpool getting 'just another draw' and Luis Suarez coming back. Great to see him back and all, but that's not a point to take from this game as far as I'm concerned.

Spurs, a supposed title-chasing side, came to Anfield and showed no ambition whatsoever. They constantly had ten men behind the ball and looked more than happy to accept a draw. Allow me to state this bluntly - Spurs will NEVER win the title until they show some form of ambition.

One other point to take from the game that this charming website has glossed over - the disgusting cheat that is Gareth Bale. A blatant dive and feigning injury would have earned Suarez a trip to the gallows.
Conor Murphy


Where Have All The Wingers Gone?

There seem to be lots of fans who don't much like their wingers at the moment. Walcott and Downing are getting the most stick at the moment, Nani, Valencia, Malouda and Kuyt have had a fair bit in recent times. My question is this...where have all the decent wingers gone?

I mean, if you don't like your centre-backs, full-backs, strikers, centre midfielders you can probably come up with a list of names you'd like to replace them with (not all realistic). But honestly, outside the top six in the Premier League and the top few in Spain and Italy, how many wingers could you name that would genuinely improve on what you have?

Downing in particular seems to be judged to be overpriced and overrated, but even if you ignore that fact that Liverpool seem to want to buy British who else would you have got who was either less money or much better? The economics of demand and supply dictate that if there is a paucity of decent wingers you overpay for an average one. Don't get me wrong, I was by no means excited by the signing of Downing for that much money but who else was there? Young was always going to a Champions League side, N'Zogbia probably has too much 'baggage', Chamberlain was a bit of a punt at that money...and there my list ends, depending on where you say Dempsey plays best (thanks Clint, keeping my fantasy team afloat at the moment). Personally, I'd have taken Riise back and played him in midfield but I suspect that is probably down to my man love for him during his time at Liverpool than current form and fitness.

So, being honest folks, who would you buy to improve on your current wingers?
Jeremy Aves


Alan Pardew's 'How To Polish A Turd'

If someone had said to me last year that any of messrs Ryan Taylor, Danny Guthrie, Leon Best or James Perch were pivotal in winning points this season I'd have contacted the authorities and tried to get them sectioned under the Mental Health Act (1983). Ryan Taylor has been one of the stand-out performers this season, his technique is finally coupled with a fantastic work-rate and an exquisite final ball. The four of these previously sub-standard squad players all share excellent fitness and motivation levels which must be attributed to Pardiola's coaching methods. It's rare to see so many peripheral members of a squad all enter the first team picture and make such a positive impact on games and win points. There aren't many managers that have the willingness and trust in players low on confidence and game time to have a go. There are no alienated players (Nile Ranger doesn't count) in the squad anymore and everyone just wants to chip in and try and do their best. Yay for football!
Sean 'I like Martin O'Neill, unfortunately' Bellamy


Hazard Light

Arsene Wenger's comments about Eden Hazard amused me as our great leader does like to tease the faithful with mock interest in players he's never likely to sign in a million years.

Wenger is like the mother who went out at Christmas and returned with a Go-Bot when you asked her for a Transformer.

Here's to signing Mickey Hazard!
Graham Simons, Gooner, Faith ran dry years ago, Norf London


Huth: Definitely A Red

Probably a bit late on sending this one in, but thought I'd go for it anyway.

Now, I may be looking for reasons to disagree with Tony Pulis because I just plain don't like him, but I think Huth deserved to see red for his challenge this weekend.

Surely the whole point of not being able to slide tackle with your feet raised off the floor is that if the higher the point of contact is with the player being tackled, the more likely he is to be injured. Whilst Huth didn't go in with his feet raised, he did charge in with his knee out in front of him, meaning the point of contact would have been high up the leg, had Meyler been standing rather than jumping at the time. The height of his knee was highlighted perfectly in the picture that Pulis sent to MOTD in his petty little protest.

I'd say that if you go in to a challenge hard like that, and the first point of contact with the player is going to be above the ankle, then it's a sending-off. It doesn't matter if you lead with your feet, knees or head, it's still bloody dangerous!
Ross, AFC London


Ashley Cole For Captain

To Rob Phillips LFC...

I like where you were going with your mail about the new England captain being undroppable but felt you wrapped it up too soon.

I agree with your reasoning with the shortlist made up of the trio Rooney, Hart and A.Cole. Let me get it over with then:

Rooney will miss the first two games in the group stages, ideally you want your captain to start the tournament from its beginning.

As for Hart, I would personally keep him and his world-class act as far away from the captaincy and its issues as possible. At last England have got themselves a world-class up-and-coming goalkeeper, the last thing you want to do is hinder his performance with more pressure and responsibility ahead of his first big international tournament.

This leaves us with Ashley Cole on your shortlist. He truly is undroppable in my opinion, has a record number of caps with over ten years of international experience and is therefore the man to lead the line and wear the armband.
Jad Hawwa


The Rotten Side Of The Play-Offs

I hope it's not too late to add my twopenny worth, but I strongly disagree with a play-off system to determine league champions. He argues that the Champions League knockout stages are the most exciting, but the key point is that these teams (probably) wouldn't have encountered each other previously in the tournament. A play-off system renders all previous meetings meaningless and undermines the importance of league encounters.

In Turkey they have introduced a play-off system this season, mainly to aid Fenerbahce because they are the financial lifeblood of the league and were expected to be deducted points at the start of the season for some alleged off-field issues. The system will work thusly: At the end of the regular season the points deficit from the top team of the teams in second to fourth place will be halved and the top four teams will play a six-game mini-league with a maximum of 18 points up for grabs. In theory a team could finish 36 ponts behind the leaders and still win the league! This system would be great for Liverpool and Arsenal, mind...

In my opinion the team which wins a regular system deserves to be crowned champion. I don't like the system adopted by the egg-chasers and Yanks - keep the play-offs for promotion and relegation but not to decide league champions.
Jamie Bedwell, Cheltenhamshire via Antalya


Bring Them On...

Predictably indignant guff in response to the perfectly good suggestion to introduce playoffs to determine the winner of the league. Glen Stuart says'"The Premier League title goes to the team who has been the most consistent points-grabber over a 38-game season'. That is not an argument Glen, that is just a statement of the way things are now. The whole point of Banister9's suggestion is to change that - to not necessarily award the league title to 'the most consistent points grabber'. If you are going to get all indignant, at least come up with something other than 'this is how we've always done it'. That kind of non-thinking guff really annoys me. Then we have Matt Bishop and his totally spurious list of reasons as to why the play-off system works in the NFL. All of these reasons are rubbish, of course. For example, he says that its because teams don't get to play each other often enough in the regular season. Guff - what about baseball, where teams play 162 regular season games - why do they have play-offs then? I won't go through his other reasons, but they are all equally spurious. The reason the play'offs work in the NFL is that they are exciting and they allow to best teams to decide who is champion in head-to-head battle (note: I really don't like American football as a sport, so this is not me showing bias towards that sport).

Finally, just to debunk another commonly believed piece of guff - a league is not by definition a competition decided on points tally. That is just one interpretation of the word. The word 'league' (in the sporting context) can refer to any kind of competition among a group of teams, knockout, points total or various other combinations. So UEFA are perfectly correct in calling the Champions League a league.

Bring on the Premier League play-offs. After a year or two of that system, everyone will wonder why we didn't do it decades ago.
Seamus, Mayo


Mediawatch, Capello, Suarez And Terry

I note that Mediawatch has come out in support of Capello today, recognizing that Capello 'does not condone racism'.

Previously, Mediawatch never seemed inclined to recognise that Liverpool fans booing Evra does not necessarily mean they condone racism, and that Chelsea fans booing Rio Ferdinand does not necessarily mean they condone racism.

F365 is clearly not biased in favour of nor against any particular club, but F365 could most certainly be accurately described as pro-Capello, anti-Terry, pro-Evra ("he's best friends with Park and Tevez, LOLZ, what an eclectic trio!!!"). This is, of course, mere coincidence.
Oliver Dziggel, Geneva Switzerland
(Pro-Evra? We're not sure anybody is pro-Evra apart from Evra himself and perhaps Park and Tevez - Editor)


Commentators And Their Dodgy English
So, something about football co-commentary and punditry that has become an increasing irritant to me over the last few seasons is the unbelievably poor grammar used. It has gotten to a stage that I can no longer watch the pre-match, half-time, or post-match analysis (or interviews with 'Arry) because it hurts my ears too much, notwithstanding some of the nonsense that spews forth from mouths such as Andy Townsed's.

I wasn't going to write in about this but, after listening briefly to the guff from both Paul Walsh and Andy (whose tactics truck is now more of a tactics tablet) on Premier League TV after last night's game, and then seeing the mail from Fleville MUFC in this morning's mailbox about 'Ray Wilkins cleaning up the English language', I felt compelled to share my grievance.

I'm currently living in South Africa, so we only get PLTV for football coverage, and the ex-footballers and managers rolled out include Don Hutchison, Alan Curbishley, and Peter Reid, as well as the two aforementioned - I can't think of the others off the top of my head. Anyway, I just don't understand why the TV bosses haven't insisted on some elocution lessons for these guys since they're on our screens every weekend, some more often than others. Maybe they think 'ordinary folk' will feel a bit of kinship with them, or maybe they just don't care, but I'm so sick and tired of hearing the language mangled in phrases such as "He done fantastic there" and "They was unlucky with the result" etc. It's not really a great example to be setting for younger viewers now, is it?
Niall (pedant), Cape Town
P.S. I can't remember what game it was, but while watching the highlights of last weekend's matches, I did hear David Pleat make a comment about some good 'officialing' shown by a referee. Sigh.


Why Watching Giggs Won't Help...
In regards to Mike #LFC #YNWA Marks's email about watching Ryan Giggs in action...

What difference does watching a video of a player do to another player's technique or skills or, hell, anything?

Hell, I watch porn all the time and it...Nevermind.
The Mighty (Look lads, he kicks the ball and it goes where he aims it) Thor


Instead Of Swearing

Flevill MUFC, in a similar vein, because of a love of Danger Mouse as a kid, I say 'Crumbs Chief' a lot where normally you'd swear. Said it after sex the other week and the missus has lost what little respect she had for me.
Name withheld


Way, Way Too Much Time On His Hands...

The systems are down at work and I'm bored. So bored I compiled some absolutely pointless stats from the last 15 mailboxes; as 15 is the number listed on your Mailbox link. I don't know why, I think just to test some theories. Basically through either displaying the name of their club, or through inference in the mail's content I listed the tribal allegiance of the writer. It shows (does it?) who the most supported teams are...Or does it just show who the most opinionated, forthright and annoying fans are?

Unknown 54
Liverpool 41
Man U 32
Arsenal 26
Other 18
Tottenham 12
Chelsea 9
Newcastle 7
Man City 6

Is it interesting reading? Well a tiny bit yes, you see 67 mails, that's 33% of mails, are from the fans of just two clubs. Two clubs that are not even a part of the big four...
Jon, Winchester (I know, us spurs fans are not very good at gloating)

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T

here has only been 3 players who made me hold my breath in dread when they picked the ball up anywhere near our penalty area...in their prime Scholes and Giggs... and always Drogba. Awesome player who on his day was the best striker in the world in my opinion.

gunner14
Farewell Big, Brutal, Big-Balled B**tard

I

remember him scoring a 25-yarder, either the season just gone or the one before, against Bolton at the Reebok. I've never seen a ball hit that hard before in my entire life. You could almost feel the shockwave from his foot contacting it 40 yards away in the stands. Didier Droga. You might not have loved him, but you just had to be in awe of him.

jon_bwfc
Farewell Big, Brutal, Big-Balled B**tard

E

den Hazard, def. - 1) that girl in a club who makes eyes at you all night, who allows you to buy her a drink and walk her home arm in arm, who then gives you a suggestive kiss on her doorstep before declaring how tired she is and how she has to be up early the next day. 2) A cock tease.

cramp
Hazard 'terms agreed' with trio

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Kean - Lost It, & Other Hair Related Choices

The heat may well have got to one chap, who has come up with a few players/managers whose hair reflects their playing style. That, and the man who tamed Drogba...

Paying Tribute To Didier 'Beast' Drogba

He will be missed by Chelsea but also by other fans who had no choice but to stand back and admire. Plus, mails on Liverpool, Tottenham and the stout Irish defence...

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