Mediawatch

Let's Pretend!
Most of us realised from a very early age that we would never play football for England, Manchester United, Hartlepool, Accrington Stanley, The Dog and Duck Second XI or even Stoke City.

That's why we pretended we were big stars on the park when we were young. We played out make-believe cup finals and pretended to score the winner for England in the World Cup.

It was the pipiest of pipe dreams, and we knew deep down that it was never going to happen.

Unfortunately 'Arry Redknapp doesn't seem quite as blessed with the reality gland, still convinced that if it wasn't for that nasty brush with the law last season, he would be the top dog, the king of all he surveyed and England manager.

However, it's never going to happen now, and bless old 'Arry, he's doing exactly what the young Mediawatch did on the fields of rural Nottinghamshire, and is playing make believe!

For The Sun have fixed it for 'Arry to be England manager for a day, and boy does he bring about the revolution that his comments on Wednesday night ("That was one of the worst performances I have seen from an England team. What positives can you take from that?") suggested.

'Arry's team features a massive two changes from that line-up and includes partnering Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard in a five-man midfield that supports Peter Crouch as a lone striker. Just in case he'd forgotten, that was the set-up for England's final Euro qualifier against Croatia last year. Remind us how that went 'Arry?

Interestingly, 'Arry finds no place for his very own Jermain Defoe, surprising given that he said when Crouch joined Portsmouth: "I think they could be the best partnership since Johnny Dick and Vince Keeble, they played together for West Ham and were absolutely fantastic."

It's also interesting that 'Arry has changed his tune since November last year, when he again played England manager in The Sun and wrote: 'That leads me to Peter Crouch...And I would complement his height and technique with little Jermain Defoe.'

Obviously, this was before both Defoe and Crouch signed for Pompey. So what has he seen in the meantime that has persuaded him that the little and large combo is no longer the way to go for England?


Where Have All The Good Guys Gone?
In this duplicitous world of football, it's comforting to see that there are still some good guys out there. Some people who will hold up the grandest ideals of the game. The moral dimension, if you will.

Arsene Wenger is one of those good guys, as he proved by railing against sinister tapper-uppers on July 22:

"You can destabilise any player in the world - that is irresponsible. The big clubs should have values and vision, and be setting an example to others. If we do not do that in football, then we do not understand our responsibilities."

Presumably this responsibility slipped his mind yesterday when asked about his transfer plans. From F365:

"I can surprise you sometimes, as I got one in whom you did not expect, and there still might be one more player coming in," said the Arsenal manager.

"You know the position, but I cannot tell you much more."

'Asked whether there would still be interest in Barry, Wenger said: "There is interest always."

The betrayal. Now we know how Michael Corleone felt when he found out Fredo had been plotting with Johnny Ola.


Not Our Fault
It seems that Wayne Rooney has found someone to blame for England's shambolic Euro 2008 qualifying campaign:

"All the players cannot wait for the Croatia game, with what they did to us, embarrassed us a bit...Because of them, and also maybe because of ourselves as well, we were not at the Euros, so we want to pay them back."

Maybe Wayne? Maybe? We'd suggest it's a bit rum to blame the Croats for drawing with Macedonia and chucking away a goal lead in Russia.


Wake Up Jeff! Your Medication Is Ready
You read Jeff 'Rowley Birkin QC' Powell in The Daily Mail and you expect nothing less than mindless, bile-soaked thunder.

Which is fine, but you'd at least expect him to watch whatever he was mindlessly, bile-soakedly thundering about.

From his latest spleen venting today: 'David Beckham...a performance of virtual inertia may be less surprising than the incapacity of that fabled right foot to deliver telling free-kicks.'

Hmmm. Might not have been from a free-kick, but remind us who ripped in that cross for England's first goal Jeff? Or were you just very, very merry by that stage?


Pointless
Hats off to Glenn Whelan, who managed to dispel all those myths about Irishmen and footballers in one clean sentence on Wednesday night.

When asked about Ireland's draw with Norway in the international friendly played out in a foul climate, Whelan said: "Given the weather conditions we have got to be glad with a point."

Shall we tell him, or do you want to?


Striker Light
Mark Lawrenson doesn't seem to have much confidence in West Brom's forward line in his latest predictions on the BBC Website:

'With the Baggies I think we are looking at both ends of the pitch. How will they cope defensively and where will the goals come from?'

So that's a blank for West Brom then?

Lawro's score prediction? 2-2.


Ker-Ching
From Digital Spy, August 21 at 09:35: 'Kerry Katona has criticised Katie Price's extravagance, claiming that her former friend has "more money than sense".'

From Digital Spy, August 21 at 15:52: 'Kerry Katona has been declared bankrupt by the High Court.'

Would it be cruel to suggest that Ms Price just has more money, full stop?


Forum Thread Of The Day
The Worst Thing A Woman Has Said To You Before/After Sex

Photographic Exclusive Of The Day
Hats off to the Blackpool Official Website for this selection of beauties. What a thrilling selection.

Non-Football Headline Of The Day
'Dai Hard' - The Sun does well with Welshman David Davies' epic efforts in the 10km swim at the Olympics.

Worst Headline Of The Day
'We Can't Wait To Cro And Thump 'Em' - The Daily Star.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'An Austrian man ended up in hospital after he faked an armed robbery because he was too scared to tell his wife he had lost thousands of pounds in a casino. Josef Reiner, 26, from Vienna, broke his nose, jaw and arm as he beat himself with an iron bar to make the fake robbery seem authentic. But he had to admit himself to hospital when the pain of his injuries got too much. And when police officers were called in by hospital doctors, Reiner confessed what had really happened. A police spokesman said: "He must have been very afraid of his wife to inflict so much pain on himself rather than just confess to her" - Ananova


Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Dermot Boland, Luke Nuckley and Peter Fraser. If you spot something that belongs on this page, mail theeditor@football365.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.