Some Of His Best Friends Iz Woofters, Innit
FIFA's fine of three bob and a bit of string for the racist chants aimed at Emile Heskey was pretty appalling, and someone with some degree of clout needed to come out and say so.
Who would've thought that clouter would be Rio Ferdinand?
While his comments about racism were welcome and carried a surprising amount of sense and authority, the other bit of his proclamation yesterday didn't scan quite so well.
"Croatia were fined a few thousand quid. What good is that going to do? That is not going to stop people shouting racist or homophobic abuse," said Rio.
Presumably this is the same battler for sexual rights and wannabe spokesman for Stonewall who appeared on Radio One back in 2006 to promote his seminal 'Rio's World Cup Wind-Ups' opus.
In response to Chris Moyles' (boy, that studio must've damn near exploded with the sheer volume of c**tery) question: "If you had to, who would you rather go out with - Smudger or Scholesy?", Rio said: "That is not my bag that, that is not my game, talking about going out with geezers."
When Moyles pressed further, saying that he'd prefer Smith himself, Rio hit back with the witty and acerbic barb: "You're a faggot."
The gay community will no doubt be delighted with his latest offer of support.
Deterrent
Interesting that Rio reckons a hefty fine and weighty sanctions will stop the problem in its tracks.
It's not a tactic that has worked on him, given that he has been banned from driving on four separate occasions, the first of which resulted in him being dropped from the England squad in 1997 after a drink-driving conviction.
Let's Get Juxtaposed
Finally, his argument against racism was dented slightly by the unfortunate positioning of the following two headlines on The BBC Website yesterday afternoon.
'FIFA Weak On Racism - Ferdinand'.
'Rio Wary Of Kazakhstan 'Banana Skin'.
Oops.
Comparisons
Headline from The Daily Mirror website: 'Theo Walcott Is As Good As Cristiano Ronaldo And A Young Michael Owen.'
Actual quotes from Rio Ferdinand: "Theo knows what he's good at - and Michael Owen was exactly the same...You are seeing the same with Theo now. They're different players, but have the same mentality."
And...
"When you've got a player with Theo's sort of pace and his eye for making runs, then sometimes it does not matter what you put in front of them. Cristiano Ronaldo is the same. If these players see an opening they are quick enough to get through it and not get caught."
Everything Must Go
'West Ham plan fire sale f players as crisis bites' - The Daily Telegraph.
"There will be no fire sale and there has always been an absolute commitment from the bnoard to developing quality at this club" - A West Ham spokesman, as quoted in The Daily Express.
Ear To The Ground
"The word on the street is they (Arsenal) have a group of kids coming through that will be absolutely outstanding" - Roy Keane on the Gunners' whipper snappers.
Blimey Royston - which Deep Throat (stop giggling) has told you that? Could it be one of the millions who watched their 'kids' destroy Sheffield United last month? Good work.
Improvements
'Arry Redknapp is no stranger to bigging himself up. You need quite the ego to think that you - with a single FA Cup to your name - are better qualified to be England manager than that fella with nine league titles under his belt.
And Droopy carries on this fine tradition in his column in The Sun this morning, bragging: "I have always taken over poor teams and made them better."
League position when 'Arry took over at Southampton in 2004: 18th in the Premier League.
League position when 'Arry left Southampon, a little over a year later: 12th in the Championship.
Wally
David Davies take note - this is how to write an entertaining footballing memoir.
Former French international Jerome Rothen is about to bring out his own tome, 'You're Not Going To Believe Me' in which he has some tales to tell about good ol' Billy Gallas.
Rothen writes: 'At school he was a right wally - he would sit at the back of the class as far away from the blackboard as possible. One day the maths teacher gave us a test - she knew that William understood nothing about maths, so she allowed him to use the textbook. But even with the book under his nose he still only got four out of 20!
'One evening, Eric Sitruk burst into my room and shouted, 'Someone has stolen my bank card and taken out 1,500 francs (£150)'.
'Furious, he accused five of us. It made sense because we were all very close, we had the keys to each other's rooms and knew the codes to our bank cards so we could lend each other money. Next evening, Eric said he had gone to the bank and a surveillance camera had filmed the person using the card.
'He said, 'I know who is guilty'. It was a bluff. But an hour later, William knocked on his door and admitted his mistake.'
Excellent.
That'll Do It
"I try to reduce the amount I drive on the roads by using public transport. I use GPS to plan my route so I don't go further than I need to. I do a lot of cycling around my town. I try to do a good job for the environment" - Lewis Hamilton in The Daily Mail.
Tonnes of CO2 emitted by each Formula One driver per season, as estimated by The Guardian last year: 54.383.
Greenpeace, you may as well pack up your bags - Lewis is on the case.
Quote Of The Day
"We have tough battles up here in terms of signing young players and are restricted in terms of our location. You can only bring in kids from a certain radius and a lot of our radius is in the water. Any good fish out there?" - Not for the first time, Keano bemoans the curse of geography.
Misleading Headline Of The Day
'Barton Critices Beckham's Style' - IMDB. As it turns out, it was Mischa and Victoria, not Joey and David. Although that's an episode of 'What Not To Wear' we'd like to see.
Headline Of The Day
'Nevilles May Care' - The Sun.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'He's Theo Walhot' - The Daily Mirror.
'Taking Things Too Far' Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A Commonwealth public servant's habit of forging doctors' certificates to take days off work was only discovered by his bosses after he went too far and faked having lung cancer. The ACT Magistrates Court heard yesterday that the Department of Education and Workplace Relations became suspicious of its employee Ben Lyons in September 2006 when a concerned colleague tried to visit the 26-year-old's bedside, only to find that no hospital in Canberra had heard of the man. The court ordered Lyons to refund more than $3000 in sickness benefits he was paid by the department and he was convicted of three counts of falsely obtaining financial advantage by supplying forged doctors' certificates' - The Age.com.
'A Likely Tale' Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A Manitoba man is suing the mother of his child, claiming he shouldn't have to pay child support because he was asleep when she had sex with him. In a statement of claim filed in Manitoba Court of Queen's Bench last week, the man from Tyndall, Man. claims he was visiting the woman from Selkirk in late 2006 when he fell asleep. The man alleges he woke up and found the woman was having sexual intercourse with him. The man says when he "demanded that she cease and desist" she complied. But about nine months later the woman gave birth to a child that he agrees is his' - The Western Star.
Thanks to our Mediawatch spotters Lex, Andrew O'Byrne and Mark Mannell. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at theeditor@football365.com
