Marxist Football Today
In a post-match interview after Manchester United's distressing defeat at the hands of West Brom, Gary Neville hit back at media reports of unrest in the camp.
"Let us rise up and crush these hedgefund pigs," thundered the moustachioed leftist in answer to a question that had not been posed.
Sensing the confusion and disquiet in the room, Neville continued.
"There is no question but this: why is the blood of the worker spilled when others sit in a bank eating biscuits? And laughing as they show each other their watches, as the Fascists would have done in Hungary given half the chance.
"You, Neil or possibly Shaun Custis of The Sun newspaper, will know the answer soon enough."
"And I thought Rio was different class today," he added, before being escorted from the media room by a concerned media officer.
Jamie's Media Salon
A lot of lads come in and say to me: "Jamie, you've been there and done it. You've been a top player but you always managed to make time for the other important things in life, such as hair and clothes. What's your secret?" What I always say to them, Richard, is that God may have made it, but you've got to shake it, you know?
Looking stylish is a daily mission, and it all begins with the hair. That's why I am recommending jheri curls this season: that is going to be a top haircut, and with a little bit of wet-look gel with all glitter in it, it could be absolute quality. I done it to Frank last Christmas and he looked the business.
Ferguson Plans Retirement
Sir Alex Ferguson has ended months of speculation about his future by saying that he will step down as Manchester United manager at the end of the season.
"You just know when the time is right," confirmed that legendary Old Trafford boss. "I've been here a good wee while now and I am ready to call it a day with my head held high."
But Sir Alex joked with reporters that he is not quite ready for pipe and slippers just yet.
"I will continue to manage Manchester United full-time and will have sole control over all first-team affairs," he said. "I will continue to take training, negotiate player contracts, work on youth development and transfers and all the rest of it on a day-to-day basis."
When asked how this differed from his current situation at the club, Ferguson became irate and hurled abuse at journalists before storming out of the press conference.
Ghostface WengA: Big Playa Talkin'
Reprazent cousin, those Everton fools step up and they get whack up, they cannot live with ma flow, they too slow, like jell-o, because they lack some pace throughout the midfield area which Cesc provides us, absolutely yes.
Special K
For me in football today not like yesterday which was y'know not now not at all but now there are too many cooks spoiling the brothel these days and everyone has got a finger in everyone else's dyke and y'know I've always said that you can't do that without it ending in tears because Shanks taught me not to cross the river if you can't swim in a tie and that's not something Kevin Keegan would ever do because it's all about if you like horses for corsets and that's what I've just told them in there in the Post Office while buying a rubber.
Poll: What now for Kevin Keegan?
25% he should become manager of Newcastle United.
22% said Deep Purple Mark IX is the only sensible career move.
21% said England manager, he's got passion.
12% said CEO of a large recently-nationalised bank.
9% said have a nice rest.
6% said the Man United job is up for grabs soon.
4% said do something nasty to Dennis Wise.
1% said Frank Lampard
Alan Tyers and John Nicholson
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