No Punchline Required
'Jade Goody aims for a classier look as she parties with footballer Kieron Dyer' - Headline from the The Daily Mail.
He's Finally Getting It
"I've had hundreds of questions about Manchester United and Real Madrid," whinged Cristiano Ronaldo on American TV over the weekend.
"What do you want me to say? That I'm going or I'm staying?"
Well, yes. One or the other would be lovely.
Knowing Your Own Worth
"Great players are always hounded by great clubs. I have always been hounded, not only this year" - Real Madrid's pursuit of Cristiano Ronaldo, as described by Cristiano Ronaldo.
Interview Technique
'Hi,' wrote the editor of a popular Sheffield United fan site to a former Blades youth player who joined Chelsea last summer, before asking him for a short interview on how his life has changed since he made the move to Stamford Bridge.
'I'm sure many Blades fans will be interested in how you have progressed.'
The answer from the young man in question, reproduced verbatim:
'GO AWAY IDIOT...i see all of theses heffield utd fans talkinf shit about me! i didnt leave for the money i left because your club is shittt.'
Good to see Big Phil is passing on PR tips.
What West Ham Are All About
"It was a terrific game for us. We needed that sort of a workout," said Alan Curbishley after West Ham's pre-season win over Columbus Crew.
"We took the MLS game because we wanted to come to America.
"We wanted to show people what we're about."
An unfortunate choice of words, perhaps, given reports like this one, from soccer***t:
'A halftime brawl between more than 100 fans marred an exhibition match Sunday between West Ham United of the English Premier League club and the MLS' Columbus Crew.
'The fights, which overshadowed West Ham United's 3-1 win, began when a handful of West Ham supporters, some wearing the team's claret and blue colors, entered the northeast corner of the stadium where the Crew's most boisterous supporters typically gather.
'Crew supporters began directing chants toward the rival fans, and fights quickly broke out between more than 100 Crew fans and at least 30 West Ham fans. Columbus police officers and Crew Stadium security staff eventually separated the groups.'
Positive Spin
'Spurs In £57m Kitty Boost' - How The Sun reported the imminent departures of Robbie Keane and Dimitar Berbatov.
Make up your own mind about whether that's a bit of sucking up to a club who are no doubt less than impressed with the redtop's 'quoting' of Sir Fergie on Friday.
Second-Class Mail
As reported by Monday's edition of The Sun:
'JUANDE RAMOS will launch a £57million spending spree after being promised all the cash from the sale of Dimitar Berbatov and Robbie Keane.
'The Spurs boss is planning a quadruple swoop for strikers Diego Milito and Roman Pavlyuchenko, plus wingers David Bentley and Diego Capel.
'Ramos is relying on the £25m price tag on Berbatov and the £18m for Keane - despite Tottenham's claims the duo are not for sale.'
As reported by the Daily Mail website, Monday morning:
'Juande Ramos will have £57million to spend after being promised all the cash from the sale of Dimitar Berbatov and Robbie Keane.
'The Tottenham boss is planning a quadruple swoop for strikers Diego Milito and Roman Pavlyuchenko, plus wingers David Bentley and Diego Capel.
'Ramos is relying on the £25m price tag on Berbatov and the £18m for Keane - despite Tottenham's claims the duo are not for sale.'
Where on earth did the Mail get a scoop like that?
Seeing Both Sides
"My advice is look after yourself. If you get the chance for bigger and better things, then go for it. I've experienced that myself. People question players' loyalty. I question clubs' loyalty. It's a business to them. If you're not needed then you can be out of the door in ten minutes, and I'm speaking from experience. Clubs buy and sell players. Clubs sell players sometimes like a pieces of meat" - Roy Keane, player power advocate, 18 July.
"It's good sometimes that clubs are taking stances. We have one player, in particular, at our club who fancies moving on. I have respect for that in terms of the position he's in here but you want to get the right figure. Martin O'Neill is sticking to his guns in terms of figures (for Gareth Barry) and that's good to see" - Roy Keane backs the clubs, 21 July.
And Talking Of Keano
Says Royston:
"In the last year or so we all know we've paid over the odds for players.
"But I would rather pay over the odds, £2m or £3m, for a real top-quality player than pay over the odds at £1m for an average player."
Where spending £3m on Greg Halford fits in remains unclear.
Maths Corner
'Milan sold 10,000 season tickets in the 48 hours after his signing,' says The Times of Ronaldinho, repeating a claim made in several newspapers and, of course, by the rossoneri.
Forgive us our scepticism (and perhaps our maths) but that works out to us as around one ticket every 17 seconds, for 48 hours straight.
Does anyone else think Milan perhaps had a large number of season tickets already waiting, and just clicked 'confirm' to make their big (in every sense of the word) summer signing look extra popular?
Making Your Mind Up
'Chelsea appear set to sign the Milan playmaker Kaka for a world-record €100m (£79.3m) after discussions took place this week, with both clubs and the Brazil international keen for a deal to go through. Sources at Stamford Bridge have confirmed that Chelsea are targeting the 26-year-old and it is understood that Milan are inclined to accept a bid of €100m tabled this week' - From The Guardian website, July 19.
'AC Milan have denied British media reports that they are about to sell Brazil playmaker Kaka to Chelsea. "Kaka is absolutely not for sale," Milan's communications director Vittorio Mentana told the Serie A club's website' - From The Guardian website, July 19.
'Luiz Felipe Scolari has requested that Chelsea sign AC Milan's Kaka, but the club are yet to make an offer' - From The Guardian website, July 20.
'Adrian Galliani, Milan's vice-president, said last night: "I can confirm that we have received offers from England for Kaká. But the fans can be calm because Kaká will remain at Milan despite the offers received from Chelsea."' - From The Guardian website, July 20.
'The Chelsea chief executive Peter Kenyon has refuted claims from AC Milan that the Blues have tabled a "conspicuous offer" for Kaka and insisted a move for the Brazilian is unlikely' - The Guardian website, July 21.
Headline Of The Day
'The haves and have-yachts' - The Times look at footballers' holidays.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Mart's Lau 'N Order' - The Daily Star let people know that Martin Laursen would like to be Aston Villa captain. We think.
Video Link Of The Day
Soccer Team 1, Nude Flier 0
Quote Of The Day
"Everyone is different, but the stuff you see some footballers doing, cheating on their girlfriends and stuff, I just think, "Why?" Why have a girlfriend, or a wife and kids if you're going to cheat? And drinking; when you've finished your career you can have a drink - obviously not become an alcoholic... I don't drink at all. I never have done. Back at school people would take the mick out of me for not drinking at parties and stuff, but that didn't bother me. It's only a short career and the way you are off the pitch makes a big difference" - Mediawatch would let our sister go on a date with Theo Walcott.
Runner-Up
"Agents are nasty scum. They're evil and divisive and pointless. They only survive because the rest of the sport is so corrupt and because leading football club people employ their sons in the job" - Good old Simon Jordan.
Rumour Of The Day
'Half the clubs in the top four divisions are significantly behind in payments to the taxman and the Football League is discussing ways to combat the problem. About 46 clubs, including some in the Barclays Premier League, owe £15 million in tax that should have been paid on players' salaries, including national insurance. Some of the debts stretch back nearly two years, forcing Revenue & Customs to try to agree repayment schemes. Arrears could force a club into administration' - The Times.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters: Dylan Sharpe, Chris Reynolds and Bill Stickerz. If you see something that belongs on this page, mail theeditor@football365.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject line.
