F365 Features

Joe Kinnear's bonkers rant was certainly quite entertaining, but he's not the first to give a memorable performance in front of the Fourth Estate. Read on for Jose, Fergie, Schteve and Gross...

'Yous Are All F**king Idiots'
Alex Ferguson is usually good for a quote or two, and never more so than when the gents of the press questioned his infinite wisdom about Juan Sebastian Veron, who cost £28.1million and in the opinion of most was less than a success. That didn't fly with Fergie, however, who cut loose in a May 2002 press conference. Some choice cuts from that rant include:

"I'm not getting involved in that because you just want a f***ing story as usual. I'm not getting involved in that. Your f***ing stuff is a disgrace to journalism and you are. The stuff you f***ing come out with...."

"Listen, you've been going on about f***ing Veron. You tell me what's wrong with Veron."

...And of course the infamous.

"On you go. I'm no f**king talking to you. He's a f**king great player. Yous are all f**king idiots."

No Access
However, we might not enjoy Fergie and his proclamations ever again. Upset at the perceived misinterpretation of his words regarding Chelsea two months earlier, Ferguson claimed he would be breaking off all co-operation with the press at the end of September this year.

"I gave you access in South Africa and I shouldn't have given you access," he said. "It won't happen again. From now on, no matter how many miles you travel to get an interview, you won't get one."

Whether he stays true to his word remains to be seen.

Seagulls
Eric Cantona. Kung-fu kick. Press conference. You know what happened.

"When the seagulls (long Gallic pause, sip of water) follow the trawler, (long Gallic pause) it's because they think (long Gallic pause) sardines will be thrown in to the sea. Thank you very much."

'The Special One'
Jose Mourinho certainly knew how to make an entrance. Before he arrived on these shores we knew him for winding up Fergie and dancing down the touchline at Old Trafford, but he made an impact straight away in his first press conference in June 2004.

"Please don't call me arrogant, but I'm European champion and I think I'm a special one" is the quote that everyone remembers, but he wasn't shy elsewhere either, getting in a crack at predecessor Claudio Ranieri, outlined his plans for his squad and of course, "We have top players and, sorry if I'm arrogant, we have a top manager."

Omelettes And Eggs
You could pick out any one of Jose's press conferences in between, but we hold a special place in our hearts for one of his last.

Shortly before his final game in charge, Mourinho made an interesting analogy between his squad and the contents of his fridge.

"The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem."

He left Stamford Bridge three days later, and we've really missed him. Until Joe showed up, that is.

'You Can Write What You Like'
In the days before he adopted a comedy Dutch accent, Steve McClaren generally sickened all who witnessed his press conferences, with his pet names for players and s**t-eating grin, but he kept things short and sweet after England laboured to a 3-0 win against Andorra in March 2007.

Anticipating that the abuse hurled his way by the England fans would be mirrored in the press, McClaren's post-match briefing lasted all of two minutes, and ended with the following cri de coeur:

"Nothing concerns me outside, what you write or what people say. What matters is inside. There's a great determination to prove people wrong. So, gentlemen, if you want to write whatever you want to write you can write it. Because that's all I'm going to say."

And just like that, he was gone.

The Underground Ticket
Barely anybody had heard of Christian Gross before he was appointed Spurs manager in November 1997, but everyone knew who he was after his first encounter with the press.

In a misguided attempt to seem like one of the people, Gross proudly displayed the Tube ticket he used to travel to White Hart Lane, as Alan Sugar's face went white beside him.

"I want this to become my ticket to dreams" he said. "I came by Underground because I wanted to know the way the fans feel coming to Spurs. I want to show that I am one of them."

Of course, he simply looked like a loon, and is now a byword for incompetence, despite a very successful spell back with Basle.

The Intruding Lawyer
When Iain Dowie told Simon Jordan that he no longer wanted to be Crystal Palace manager because he wanted to move closer to his family in the north, Jordan probably didn't expect him to show up eight days later at Charlton.

To be fair, The Valley is further north than Selhurst Park, but Jordan wasn't concerned with such technicalities.

In that spirit, he sent a flunky to deliver a writ to Dowie at the press conference unveiling him as Charlton boss, claiming Dowie had broken his contract which contained a clause stating that if he left for another club he would have to pay Palace £1million.

Charlton chairman Richard Murray wasn't impressed, saying: "I thought it was a joke. I thought it was the pantomime season. Simon has always been rather envious or jealous of Charlton because we have had the success he has been striving for, with a wonderful stadium which we own."

Nick Miller

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